Hard Week

It's been kind of a rough week for me, a lot of internal turmoil. I'm having MAJOR self-esteem issues. I feel like I'm not good enough, I keep screwing up and my friends don't like me. I hate having to be the one to always make the phone calls and to make the plans to get together. I feel like if they really wanted to do things with me they would call me! I feel like they get together without me and this hurts my feelings. And the stupid thing about that is, I've done it too; you don't have to do EVERYTHING with EVERYONE! But since I have no confidence in myself, it makes me feel bad. This how my brain is functioning and it's been a hard one this week. Paul says I thrive on/need positive feedback from everyone, and it's true! I wish I wasn't like that. I wish I had more confidence and could just be "normal" but it is my struggle in life that I must learn to get over. I'm not making this post public, but I wanted to get it out for my journal. I'm trying to be more honest and write my true feelings and not just the exciting stuff. I know that's the stuff everyone wants to read, so that's what I post for the public, but for me, this is reality sometimes and it's private, but it will be good to look at one day. Plus it helps when I get it off my chest.