Candy Bear Attack: APN – What the Forks!

After battling all those sea monsters, I wanted to take a break and head north for a tour of the Olympic Peninsula. They call it a National Park, but let me tell you it’s NO Yellowstone!!

I paid $15 to see the “Pacific Rainforest” but I swear I saw the best of the tall dense trees before I paid the money! Ninja, what? Indeed. Since the park itself was a bust, my trip quickly became a tour of a little town called Forks, maybe you heard of it…it has something to do with Vampires…

I took my turn driving and navigating today. I have a paper map. Who needs a fancy GPS? You know what I’m saying?

Here’s the so called rainforest. It’s big claim to fame is this tree…it’s called The Big Spruce Tree, seriously, that’s the name. Apparently, it was over 270 feet tall, 12 feet in diameter, and 500+ years old.

Here I am climbing it. I had to get my $15 bucks worth of adventure somehow. You know what I am saying?

Next more driving, but this time I practiced my ninja skills by doing some pull ups.

Next stop Forks, Wa. It’s like Mecca for Twihards.

I don’t exactly get it, but Tash seemed excited.

While there I ran into this guy again… I guess he lives there and he’s a vampire! Who knew?!

(How come he’s not burning up in the sun? Vampires that sparkle and walk around in the daylight? Ninja please!)

Here he is again. The girl on his right is his girlfriend, Bella, she’s human.

Well I ran into her down at La Push beach…

She fell or jumped off the cliff apparently, so using my superb ninja swimming and lifeguard skills I pulled her from the ocean and gave her mouth to mouth. She was SAVED!!

(Yes, that’s me, I look GOOD without my ninja mask huh?!)

Anyway, she began to mumble something about that vampire Edward, how she missed him, and him not being able to come get her. It has something to do with wolves and vampires not getting along. Apparently they have border control issues here too.

She asked me to find him. I tried this house, but I was laughed at when I mentioned a sparkling vampire.

Then I tried this meadow she mentioned.

Nope, no vampire there.

She mentioned he might be looking for her in Port Angeles; he saved her there once. Apparently, she needs saving a lot. I thought I saw Eddy running in the trees, but he was too fast for me even with my ninja speed. I guess I should cut back on the fortune cookies.

I got to Port Angeles and tried the bookstore Bella likes and an Italian restaurant they ate at once. No luck.

I finally found him at the local movie theatre. Tall, sparkly and handsome? Who wouldn’t like him. You know what I’m saying?

Once they were reunited, she completely forgot about me - the ninja who dragged her from the ocean and saved her life! I guess I know how that Jacob guy feels.

So after a day of hide and seek and observing Twihards from around the world, I came up with a quick checklist called “You might be a Twihard if”….as observed by me, Pocket Ninja.

You might be a Twihard if:

* You shop in stores with names like this

decorated like this

and then spend a ridiculous amount of money on Twicrap!

* You write your headed down to La Push beach on your Facebook Status and people immediately ask if you’re looking for Jacob. Then you respond, no I’m a vampire girl!

* You panic when you see Forks High School is being torn down, but then sigh with relief when you see the sign has been preserved.